40… Almost

So I’m turning 40. I know right, this hot mess doesn’t look a day over 38 and a half! But it’s eating at me. 

I remember when I turned 25 and thinking “Oh my God, my life is almost half done!”, now my life may very well actually be half done! 

It’s a crisis of sorts. On one hand I look back at all of the things I’ve done and accomplished, places I’ve been, people I’ve met and on the other sits my life moving forward and the uncertainty it holds. I guess I’m not unlike anyone else in that aspect, just with different uncertainties. 

I’m trying to be positive about what my 40’s will bring, but I’m not going to lie, this week has been tough. 

I celebrated my 25th with a tattoo of a Gemini symbol, it stopped looking that way, and I got rather tired of saying “No, I didn’t tattoo an old boyfriends’ initials on my shoulder.” So I had it covered quite a few years ago. I’m contemplating another for 40. Obviously this one won’t be so spur of the moment. Or be done by a guy named Spider. 

I’m also contemplating staying in my bed all day Saturday, cancelling my nail appointment with my mother in law, and wallowing in my tears. Like I said, it’s been a hard week. 

But I know Endi will probably push me out the door, because I need my nails done and it’s a nice gift. I don’t know if he’s feeling 40 the same way I am. If he is, he’s hiding it better than me. 

Maybe I can look at 40 as a rebirth of sorts. A second half of my life celebration. 

Just let me wait until Sunday to get over mourning the first half of my life.