Staying positive isn’t easy. Lately I’ve been faced with a slue of crazy incidents and people that have been testing my ‘stay positive’ attitude. It’s been so hard. It started when we got the email that we didn’t get house #2, you see initially I didn’t believe that there was any damage at the house because of the hassle the homeowners gave us over Endi’s past during the process of applying. So the day I received the email I drafted an email response of my own. It wasn’t nice. In fact it was down right nasty and hurtful. I was using all of my bottled up emotions and anger to lash out at this woman, who may, or may not have been lying to me. I decided to sleep on it. I thought that not sending the email until I could review it the next morning and see if I was still feeling the same way would be best.
The next morning when I woke up, early because I had a PSW come and help me get going (they come three times a week because I have a hard time getting showered and dressed, plus I’m a huge seizure risk), I re-read the email. It was bad. I hadn’t wrote something that sharp tongued unless I was livid at Endi, and that was only if I was looking to hit below the belt.
I felt hurt over my words. I was torn because I was still feeling exactly what I wrote, but I knew, deep down, I couldn’t send it.
Instead I sent this,
“I’m very sorry to hear about this.
This was quite the shock yesterday, as I’m sure it was for you as well.
We were very excited to have the stress of finding a new place to live off of my plate.
As you know, my husband does flooring and would be happy to look at helping with a fair, and probably lower quote than a commercial company.
I’ve cc’d him on this email so you can have his contact as well.
Please let us know if there’s anything we can do to help.
It was literally that moment I decided I was only going to put positive out in my life any longer.
I deleted the negative email I was going to send, partly for fear I would hit send accidentally and the other reason being I just didn’t want to ever read how angry I was again.
That day I put an ad up on kijiji looking for a place to live for our family and the first person to contact me is our new landlord. That was shortly after I sent that more positive email. Next, I started receiving help packing from my friends. They would call and see if I wanted to go out or needed anything, when my answers were “No I don’t want to go out, but I could use some help packing” or “I need boxes”. They were right there. One even took me for a drive and ice cream, just because I needed a break. I’ve had a couple of good doctors appointments. Not saying I’m better, but they were more positive than usual.
Now I’m firmly believing that when someone is doing something negative to me, or us as a family, they will get their negativity back. Tenfold.
But it’s not up to me to waste my energy giving it to them. Karma.