I’m not a child, but I feel like one.

Every time my pressure is up I have a harder time. A little more tired, a touch more irritable, a lot more emotional. But the absolute worst thing that happens is the confusion. Being confused before IIH would always be annoying, maybe even a little embarrassing depending on the situation, let’s face it I’ve always…

Time

It’s been a long year and if you would have told me that I would have gone to dinner with the people I went with tonight I would have said you were lying.  I would have cried and probably taken space from you because you clearly didn’t understand where I was emotionally. And I was…

Lullaby…

How long do you want to be loved? Is forever enough ’cause I’m never, never giving you up. It’s a song that came out long after my baby girl was born but it was her song. I owe The Chicks a hug at least. It was my song for her. There are many if I…

Nope I can’t remember your name either

So I call everyone “Hun” or “Honey” or “Sweetheart”. Not because I really love you SOOO much or because I really want to demoralize you and make you feel like you’re my pet, but because I haven’t a clue what your name is. I sometimes have been told your name not 5 minutes before and there…

I’m absolutely NOT sorry

I hate New Year’s resolutions but I always make an informal one with myself and try to keep it, this year, stop apologizing for shit I’m not sorry for. Example: “I’m sorry, I’m not feeling well.” or “I’m so sorry I have plans that night.” or “I’m sorry, it’s raining out.” You see what I’m…

Resentful

I got resentful yesterday. Like really resentful. What the fuck? I’m not usually like that. This is the first time in recent memory that I’ve been actually resentful of someone that is living pain-free. It came on like a wave. The emotions were so foreign that I didn’t know how to stop them, it was…

I screamed

I screamed. I screamed from the tips of my toes to the top of my head out of rage and sadness and loss and regret. I screamed because I had lost all control and I didn’t know how to contain my emotions anymore. I screamed through my tears. I screamed for what felt like hours…

Figuring Shit Out

I don’t know what happened. I know that I can express it. I know what it should sound like. I sound that way. I think? A while ago, in a waiting room at an appointment, I looked at my honey and said “Don’t you wonder what would happen if we just started having a water…

Two Years

Two years. It’s a measurement of time that is subjective to the person that’s reflecting on it. For some it’s a very long time and others it’s a blink of an eye. For me it’s been a bit of both. Two years ago today I had my last brain surgery. In fact it was two…

#BellLetsTalk

So let’s talk… When I was diagnosed with my mental illness I was 26. I had a break down. There I was a single mom, living at home with my mother, struggling to find the positive and see our future. I remember thinking “Oh my God, I’m crazy! This is what crazy feels like!” I…

That day you referred to your Neurosurgeon as “Uncle Deep-Pockets”…

I found out that my neurosurgeons’ contract wasn’t going to be renewed in early December. I literally thought I was loosing a family member. He has been like a trusted Uncle that you only see at weddings or if you need money. ‘Uncle Deep-Pockets’… Only in this case he doesn’t have deep pockets, or if…

“OMG! I would love to be off work!”

Picture this… You’re in your 20’s, you’re just starting or graduating school, you’re working that survival job until you really find that ‘dream’ position (if that’s possible), not enough time has past so that you haven’t drifted apart from your friends from high school. You have, for all intents and purposes, a budding future. With…

Intracranial Hypertension and Brain Tumours… Similar but different

Trigger Warning: Discussion about suicide in this blog post.  When you first notice something is wrong with you, what’s the first thing you do? I know from my experience that I ignored it. I would tell myself it was stress, or I was tired, or, or, or. I literally could think of anything else being…

New Doctor Date

The day finally came. The day I’ve been waiting months for. The day I have been reminding Endi, and him reminding me about since November. NOVEMBER!Two days before Endi’s birthday we set the car on autopilot to our favourite, er… not so favourite hospital for yet another doctors appointment.  But this one was special… ist. …